cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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