Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
