But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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