He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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