I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
