Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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