Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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