recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drake has all the answers
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
