i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize