Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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