Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
