He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
