the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
