he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
