you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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