I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i've created a new STD.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize