You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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