ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize