If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
