Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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