she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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