Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
