i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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