I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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