I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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