Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
