peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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