I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this just has baby written all over it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
