member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
