i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
