I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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