Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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