If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
