just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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