Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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