I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
