you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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