I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
