When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
