I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize