I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
