every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
