just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
