At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
