I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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