Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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