I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
