Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
