u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
