so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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