I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Shame is for Republicans.
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