I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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