we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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