my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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